Almost said that with a straight face. Here's some pics of what I'm working with... Or in other words, BEFORE:
Actually, I like the floors. And my beat up black Toms.
Rip out the backsplash!! Get lots of help from your family!!
Step TWO: Find this underneath!
Step THREE: New Skim Coat. Yes. It is pink. That's how I roll.
Now, about that range...